Ask Maryiln: Are we trying too hard to get pregnant?
Q: I read somewhere that trying too hard to get pregnant can have the opposite effect. Is this true?
A: Many people have the misconception that getting pregnant is easy. But if you’ve been trying to conceive for many months or even years, you don’t need reminding that having children does not come easily for everyone. In fact, each month, a woman has only a twenty to thirty percent chance of conceiving. Most women will conceive within a year of trying but a small percentage of women will still not conceive even after a year of trying.
If you have been trying to conceive for any length of time you have probably been given advice from well-meaning or not-so-well-meaning friends or family. You have likely heard the suggestion that you need to relax and stop trying so hard. Maybe you were told something like this ‘I know this couple who tried to get pregnant for years but as soon as they decided to adopt, guess what she got pregnant.’ All this may make you wonder if there is something after all in the saying that trying too hard really can stop you getting pregnant. Add to this the recent research about the impact of stress on fertility. Some researchers believe that stress significantly impacts fertility and limits the success of assisted conception.
Although stress may have an impact on it is more likely that stress is the result of infertility not the cause. Most couples conceive within a year of trying and for those who don’t there is often an identifiable physical cause. It is also simply not true that fertility improves when you stop trying. The percentage of women getting pregnant after adopting is about 5 percent, which is the same as women who have infertility and do not adopt.
But what about the theory that having too much sex stops you conceiving? It’s another common misconception because the more sex you have when you are trying for a baby the more likely you are to get pregnant. Most experts recommend having sex at least every other day during a woman’s fertile period. It was once suggested that men with low sperm counts abstain from sex prior to ovulation to increase their sperm count. However, recent studies have not shown that abstaining improves sperm count. In fact in men with low sperm counts, the researchers found the volume of semen increased after prolonged abstinence, but the quality got gradually worse the longer the men held back.
To sum up, the difference between a couple that conceives when trying and a couple that does not is not based on how hard they try and suggesting that not trying increases your chances of getting pregnant only adds to the frustration of couples trying to conceive. Exactly how do you try less when you desperately want a baby?  For help with boosting fertility see my book ‘Natural Solutions to Infertility’.